Thursday, July 2, 2015
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
This particular one I'm using is called Creative Paperclay (made in Japan).
It is an air dry clay, meaning you don't need to bake it and can paint on it once dry.
It ends up being fairly hard, although I wouldn't test it too much. It's definitely for smaller projects, but I recommend it.
Here is what I did so far today...
Monday, June 22, 2015
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Once I received the cd with the images, I was mesmerized by them.
I just thought it was fascinating to see all the details of what is inside my head, lol.
I was inspired to do a series titled: Ana's Brain. There were approximately 10-12 different "slices" which contain several detailed images. Some are slightly repetitive, so I've decided to do 5 pieces for 11 slides, for a total of 55 pieces. They are all 8x8 inches on watercolor paper.
I would love to have them exhibited together as a group (I can visualize it)...but of course I also would love to sell these!
I need to get the ball rolling on selling my artwork. I have been scared and have lost some confidence regarding my work, because I've sort of been in a "bubble"...not really getting my work out there, other than on Facebook and Twitter, which doesn't garner much response honestly.
I love my work.
I'm proud that I've stuck to my guns and have continued to do work that is personal and introspective. I constantly get "why don't you just paint birds, or flowers, etc". "your stuff is too weird or disturbing."
I can and have in the past done those types of paintings when I've been in that mood. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy them, but that is not my main body of work, the serious/real stuff.
If no one will like my work, well then that's the way it is. But I will not compromise myself and my vision and my voice.
Anyway, enough ranting.
Here are a few photos of the Brain series....let me know your thoughts!
Thursday, April 30, 2015
The last few months have been a bit of a blur.
It's been somewhat like an extended visit to hell.
On August 19th, my only brother died from a massive heart attack...he was only 54 years old. It was shocking...still is really.
That's when the haze started.
It was confusing and seemed very unfair. Our relationship was a love/hate one and I've been dealing with the guilt for that hate, lately. My brother had lots of issues, but he had a heart of pure GOLD. He loved life to the fullest and had a vibrant personality...the kind that takes over a room. His robust laugh was contagious.
My dad, but especially my poor mom was never the same after that. She made a valiant effort, for me I'm sure, during the holidays. I tried to make her happy, or at least smile during that time. She really did try.
On January 9, 2015, my mom passed away. Not even 5 months after my brother...this was beyond shocking...
My mom had health problems, yes. She was diabetic and had lung issues, so to the unobservant eye it should have been expected. But it wasn't. It really wasn't. Her mind was sharp as a tack. Her sense of humor always on point. She was the center of our world. She was the matriarch. As much of a Daddy's girl that I am, my mom was my rock. I went to her for everything. I talked to her about everything. We disagreed a LOT...but eventually the storm always cleared. She was stubborn and sometimes harsh, but loving and cute and funny at the same time. She gave the best hugs.
To say that I miss her would be the understatement of the year. I have always lived with my parents (minus a 2 year stint in Alabama). Is that weird? Maybe...but I've never thought of it that way. I've certainly had a different life than most. When I was younger all I could think about was to move away, far away from my parents. In later years all I wanted was to be there with them, because I knew that time was ticking...more like flying. I wanted to spend as much time with them as possible. They've been very good to me. I had a good education because of their sacrifices. They worked their asses off, just for their children...that is something I will never forget.
I've felt extremely lost these past few months...depression doesn't even cover it. I'm no spring chicken...I actually just turned 44 (talk about depressing), yet I feel like a little girl without my mom. I use to call her everyday from work, after lunch and I still reach for the phone to dial her number...it's so hard to believe. I still even hear her voice in the house sometimes...
Now I have my dad to look after. He's strong and optimistic. This has been hard for him, even though he doesn't like to show it. He was with my mom for over 50 years. He lost his son, then just 4 months later, his wife. None of this is easy.
Grief is a very personal experience. No two mourners are alike. I sometimes feel pressured to "get over it already", but my whole world has been turned upside down. My faith in God has been altered (I'm struggling a lot with this actually), life just doesn't seem the same anymore.
I have considered myself fortunate that I had never experienced this type of loss up to now...but now I know that pain. Now I understand what others have gone through, because I'm one of them.
If you're reading this and you've lost a loved one, please accept a warm hug from me. I don't have any words of wisdom or advice. I can only say to be good to yourself. Allow yourself to feel the pain and to grieve. Do not let anyone rush you into "healing"...there is no such thing. Only time is a healer, because it allows perspective to set in. Be patient with yourself and those around you. Everyone will want to say the right thing, but none of it will feel right. Get therapy if you feel you can't talk to anyone about this...it helps. Just take your time.
Monday, October 6, 2014
These were the contents:
- Ampersand Aquaboard - a 5x7" clay surface board with a watercolor surface
- QoR Modern Watercolor sampler, with a 4x4" watercolor paper.
- ArtGraf Graphite Stick - it's water soluble !
- Mono Zero Erasure - A high-quality precision eraser.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Monday, April 7, 2014
I currently find myself "on a roll", artistically speaking.
I am working on a fairly regular basis now although I'm not completely satisfied with the sizes of the current works (they're small!). I want to be able to do large pieces again and am always wondering when that will happen. I know it will, but when?
Anyway, I am always searching for inspiration and to see (curiosity killed the cat, remember?) what other artists are doing. Inevitably, I come across a LOT of awesome, wonderful works and I get REALLY depressed for a while afterward.
I start to feel like I'm not cut out for this...I'm too old...I don't sell anything...blah, blah, blah (huge pity party).
So yeah...I'm not feeling confident, having tremendous self-doubts...but, what's new? (lol)
Alright, here's some of the latest pieces. If you feel anything, please let me know (hate it, love it, don't care about it, it scares you, etc.)
mixed media on watercolor paper
Work I completed this past weekend...from my "ineffectual womb" series.
Each is 4"x8" (mixed media on watercolor paper)
♦I'm linking this picture to a cool artist, Omar Alvarez. Check out his work!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Every weekend my boyfriend and I do "art/craft" time and it's allowing me to let go and have fun again. Also, his excitement with the paintings he's currently doing, is keeping me inspired.
Here are a few of the recent paintings/drawings I've completed. I know...they're "weird", but they're MINE!!! :D
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Friday, January 3, 2014
Today I'm grateful that I have the courage to begin this weird journey with the dolls. I'm excited.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
I won't come up with any excuses...it's just been life.
Maybe it's the start of a new year or maybe it's just wanting to continue where I left off...
I am just feeling inspired to get back to my blogging. I miss the writing, the analyzing, the observing, the ranting, lol. I've missed terribly the off-the-cuff expressions in virtual form.
When I first started, this little place in the world became my sanctuary. When I felt I had no one who understood, no one to truly listen...this space embraced me.
So here I am again...
On Facebook, a friend put a link to a project titled 365 grateful....
So I decided to partake in this, as I am at a crossroads with my creativity, my depression, my job...my everything. I can definitely benefit from recognizing gratitude in my life.
I will take photographs with my new iphone5c (I can finally say "yay"! after a rough start getting to learn its secrets...damn these convoluted technological contraptions :) ).
(I redacted last names)
Hopefully, I can continue this project...
I believe I can...
I believe I need to...
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
This is what I've been feeling for a while now with my job. I don't belong there...it's not what I'm meant to do...it's not who I am.
I feel like a trapped animal that is being held to the back of the small, confining cage by water gushing from a fire-hose held to my face.
I feel like I'm drowning and I'm losing myself...
Yet there I am, without the ability to get out.
I would just like to quit and figure out the rest, but that's a decision that will come across as terribly irresponsible to others:
-How will you pay your bills?
-What will you do for insurance?
-Don't you know that it's impossible to get a job nowadays?
-You're no spring chicken, you know...
Yes, I do know.
But I'm so tired.
And life is so short.
What do I do???
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
In the past I've been very good at giving in to my fears...I actually became an expert at it.
Avoid anything that might be make you uncomfortable, Ana....done
Don't think of changing anything, because you might fail, Ana...done
Stay stuck in your rut, for it is what you're familiar with, Ana...done
Yeah, I did it all.
But not anymore...life is too short to live in fear....it's too short.
Last year I decided to do something about my weight, once and for all. Despite 3 months of no weight loss recently (completely my doing) I've lost 92 lbs, so far. I'm now back on track and I believe I will reach my goal soon (or soon enough ;)).
I also decided to take a chance and "opened" myself up to finding love again. In February I met a wonderful man who makes me laugh like no other ever has. Perfection doesn't exist, the expectations I have had my whole life were unrealistic. Once I realized that, the Universe found a way of bringing him into my life. Being in a relationship is not as easy as I once believed it should be, because it requires compromise (something this control-freak finds great difficulty with). I've discovered that I'm capable of not only compromising, but finding joy in the quirks and differences we have.
Frustrations will be there...especially when you're starting relationships "later" in life and you're so "set in your ways" (like I am). But half the fun of it, is figuring out how to handle those moments, learning from them, allowing myself to grow, and accepting the fact that it will happen again, lol.
My next challenge to face regards my artwork. I've not been able to pursue my work for what seems like forever now. This year, I plan on changing that. I don't know when or how, but I will live my dream of being an artist...this....this is the one and only thing I've ever wanted to do and I will not waste any more time.
I'm excited about the future.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
The theme for February was "Steampunk"...after doing some research and reading a little bit about it, I took out the materials that I wanted to work with and "let go"...my typical way of working.
These were a lot of fun to make and will be difficult for me to give up...
This is "Lady Eve" (Steampunk Paper Doll, mixed media, 2012)
This is "Inquisitor Lila Flinn" (Steampunk paper doll, mixed media, 2012)
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I got it a bit late in the month...not sure why that is, but better late than never, I say. This is a good one and I'm thrilled to bits (despite having a horrendous headache as we "speak").
For those of you who might not know what Birch Box is...it's basically a subscription to receive beauty-related samples on a monthly basis. It costs only $10 (which includes shipping) and you can cancel at any time.
The samples are hit and miss...although I've mostly been very satisfied with them. In the past I've received a Laura Geller blush, a Stila eyeshadow, etc....so there's chances of getting some good stuff that I otherwise wouldn't buy.
This month included the following:
- BEFINE (Night Cream) - "Achieve glowing skin year-round with this potent cream, which smooths fine lines as you sleep".
*The sample size is a fairly generous 0.5 oz. (full size price would be $30). I'm looking forward to trying this one...as I have fine lines AND I like that it can work overnight.
- JUICY COUTURE (Viva La Juicy perfume)- "This scent will bring out your inner girly girl.. Wild berries flirt with mandarin and soft floral notes to create a fragrance that's fun and happy".
*This smells delicious! I have always wanted to buy this, but never got around to it...always distracted by other scents, but I think this year I might partake (Full size ranges from $69-89).
-STILA (Smudge Stick Waterproof Eyeliner, in Blue Ribbon) - "It's time to put down the black liner. This colorful pigment makes eyes stand out and stays put for hours".
*This is an awesome "sample"...although it's the full size product. This is a gorgeous color. Sort of a dark gunmetal/blue, it's metallic, glides on smoothly...gorgeous. ($20)
-VMV HYPOALLERGENICS (Re-Everything: Eye Serum) - "Make a vow to conquer those dark circles once and for all. This anti-aging eye serum brightens and revives your under eye area" (full size is $80).
* I am excited about this one too...I have pretty dark circles...if this works, I'd be willing to shell the ginormous price for this product. I'll try to do a review once I've tried it.
- 'WICHCRAFT (Granola) - "This toasty granola, from Top Chef judge Tom Coliccio's NY-based 'wichcraft chain, takes care of snack cravings without any guilt." (Full size $8).
* This is an extra item included in the box...I'll let you know what it tastes like.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
I find myself shocked on a regular basis at how very disappointing some human beings are.
Lol, this cryptic message is not going to be easily understood, because for once, I don't feel like clarifying...just venting for a minute...but suffice it to say that I just don't get how some people can walk around breathing the same air that I do. I'm not judging anyone, on the contrary...I'm trying to be a little bit more open-minded, the older I get.
Why is it so difficult to be honest? I am filled with fear...have had a lifetime of it, yet I find myself facing my fears dead on...it doesn't happen on a regular basis, but every once in a while I just look in the mirror and bite down real hard and just do whatever it is that scares me the most.
Ugh...I myself don't even know what I'm writing here...
I just wanted to make sure that I never abandon my blog again. This "place" has served me well in the past, with my frustrations, ideas, accomplishments, etc. I doubt anyone reads this, but I suppose that's not important.
OK, I'm just rambling incessantly, so I'm off to bed.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Just a quick update on my weight loss...
I finally hit 80 lbs!! Just in time for the new year. I'm hoping that by the 1st anniversary of when I started this journey, March 22...I will have lost at least 100 lbs.
This has been one of the hardest things I've ever done...but it's been totally worth it. I feel better physically, but more importantly, I feel better about myself.
This is a new beginning for me...a new life, full of new possibilities. I don't plan to ever go back to that weight. As a matter of fact, I will do my damnedest to make sure it doesn't happen.
Til next time!!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Facebook and Youtube...blame them.
But I've been feeling drawn back to my blog, my poor abandoned blog....so here I am again.
Eventually I'll update you on all that's happened or not happened since my last post.
For now, I'll just let you know that I've started a weight loss journey again...this time it's all about me. Not motivated by external sources, just my own health and well being.
Officially started on March 22nd and early on I set a very realistic and very do-able goal of 10 pounds a month. Despite a bit of a plateau in June, I have been successful, having so far lost 55 lbs. I have 2 weeks to lose 5 lbs to meet this month's goal...I can do this. :D
About a month after starting the "diet" part, I started walking in the park after work...20-30 minutes. But every time the weather was not cooperating, I ended up not being able to walk, so I decided to join a gym. I had also started doing "arms" at home (bought 1,3 & 5 lbs weights) and I do "crunches" in bed (they really work).
At the gym, I am just doing the elliptical machine and the treadmill. I've been increasing the intensity & amount of time on the elliptical...which is my absolute favorite machine, because it's easy on the knees.
Today...it took me 29 minutes to complete a mile on the elliptical machine. I'm looking forward to being able to improve that time significantly, but for now...that was actually a good workout. I followed it with 12 minutes on the treadmill. I don't overdo it on the treadmill, because it's harder on my knees than the elliptical, so I just use it to kind of cool down and still move a bit.
I've been doing "arms" at home doing a couple of "sets" of 15 reps...about 5 different exercises (some made up, some I found in a magazine somewhere)...mostly mimicking what I use to do years ago in the gym, using machines (hope that made sense).
The "bed" crunches are so easy to do and they're quite effective. I've been slowly increasing the amounts I do and am up to about 2-3 sets of 30 (if I don't fall asleep - admittedly the only risk involved with doing them in bed).
OK, I think I've written too much here...but I will try to come back to update "you" on a daily basis (I can't make any promises, but I will definitely try).
Bye for now!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
I'm slowly getting back into organizing my etsy shops. It's been difficult for me to keep it up, but if I can just try to do one project a day or every couple of days...I'll be satisfied. My life is in another transition period and I think it's going to be more challenging to have time for "me"...so I need to take advantage of any spare moment I have.
I'm rambling...here are the recent listings (if you click on the photos it will take you directly to the shop). Any feedback would be appreciated.
|3 pink butterflies|
|I ♥ Trees|
|"Waiting in Red,4" - mini print|
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
My version of this doll, comes with a stack of small paper, where you will write down your worry or prayer. You then slip it into the back pocket and forget it. You can also just hold the soft doll while praying,etc. I had made one for myself a while ago and thought that others might also benefit from having one.
- all are unique, as they are handmade, so no two are identical
- approximately 7-8" tall
- made with that is made from 100 percent post consumer recycled water bottles.
- this item is not a toy, therefore not intended to be used by children or pets
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I might be listing more of these on my etsy shop, but a few people who are not registered on etsy showed interest, so I thought I'd make them available here as well.
Thanks for reading...here they are...